My name is Pelin (phonetically pronounced ‘Puh-lin), I use she/her pronouns and I identify as bisexual/queer.
Here are the main definitions (though there are many more) to what bisexuality is.
What bisexuality is
- the romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behaviour towards males and females.
- the romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behaviour to you gender and other genders (this also comes under pansexuality).
What bisexuality is not
- being confused
- being greedy/promiscuous
- always equally split between males and females (going by the first definition)
- denying homosexuality
- a phase
For a long time, my sexuality had confused me. How it possible that I liked other genders? Was I imagining it? For years, even after I came out, I experienced a lot of self-doubt in my sexuality. I thought that it may be a phase (as that is what I was told) and because I was attracted to males more often than other genders, that I was ‘mostly straight’. I realised that, for me, my sexuality was not going to change. I have identified as bisexual since I was 13 years old and I cannot imagine that will be changing any time soon. With time, age and experience, my self-doubt has decreased and acceptance and resoluteness in my sexual identity has solidified.
Bisexuality for me is a wondrous thing. It means that I am in a wonderful community where we all strive for a place free from discrimination regarding sexuality and gender. We are a safe space, where we can openly express ourselves whereas sometimes we cannot in the public. We are surrounded by others who have been through similar situations and challenges as us.
However, there is still a long way to go for bisexuality. As listed above, there are still a lot of misconceptions of what bisexuality is. Some believe that it doesn’t exist, or that it’s a sign of ‘sleeping around’. It is a common belief that people only come about as bi before accepting their ‘true’ identity as gay. Whilst this does happen to some (as sexuality can be confusing and is not rigid) bisexuality should not be assumed as a ‘gateway’ to homosexuality. Bisexuality is also underrepresented within the LGBT+ community, although we statistically make up around half of the queer community. Many people experience biphobia from the straight and the LGBT+ community. Not straight enough for the straight community and not gay enough for the queer community. These are some of the issues which must be fought against, along with our bi-allies.
However, if there is any advice I can give to anybody, it is that:
You do exist. You do matter. You are part of this community, and all genders and sexualities are valid and equal.